What Happened To Manhood?
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Davis L. Moore
10/14/2024
What Happened to Manhood?
“Be watchful, stand firm in the faith, act like men, be strong.” - 1 Corinthians 16:13
It’s no surprise when we see headlines such as, “The Men – and Boys – Are Not Alright,” “Boys and Men Are in Crisis Because Society Is,” or “Young Men Are Facing a Masculinity Crisis.” What’s fascinating to me is that when we as Christians see articles such as these, we simply look at them, nod our heads, shrug our shoulders, and sigh a passive, “Yep.” We never ask what happened to manhood or why manhood is in decline. How did this happen?
The headlines previously mentioned are all secular articles. They don’t offer the solution. They don’t know what the solution could be (or they do and are unwilling to admit it; Romans 1). They all point to answers that will only solve parts of the bigger problem. They might tell men being rugged is the cure. Or perhaps that treating women as sex objects is the answer. But we as Christians know from the very beginning that the answer is nothing but Christ. As J. C. Ryle says,
Education, Teetotalism, cleaner dwellings, popular concerts, blue ribbon leagues, white cross armies, penny readings, museums, -all, all are very well in their way; but they only touch the surface of man's disease: they do not go to the root. They cast out the devil for a little season; but they do not fill his place, and prevent him coming back again. Nothing will do that but the story of the cross applied to the conscience by the Holy Spirit, and received and accepted by faith (Ryle, The Upper Room, pp. 81-82).
Now, of course, I don’t by any means claim that this paper or series of videos will be the solution to fifty plus years of decline in manhood. But I do hope that it may cause a few young men to stand up and begin taking back the dominion that rightfully belongs to Christ: Strong Men.
To know what true manhood looks like, we must look to the only True Man who ever lived. We must look to Him, pray to Him, imitate Him. “The imitation of the real Jesus will never lead a man astray” (J. Gresham Machen, p. 98). We see many things to imitate in Christ, but there are certain things that specifically teach us how to be men. Let’s look first at not being passive, but proactive. Christ never wasted a moment of His time on earth. As Christ followers, neither should we. He taught us to pray, look to the Father, and seek His guidance and will in all things. As Christ-followers, so should we.
This paper is meant to be a synthesis of five books that we’ll be reviewing on our YouTube channel in a series with the same title as this paper: What Happened to Manhood. We’ll be taking a look at Family Shepherds by Voddie Baucham, Call to Action by Alun Ebenezer, A Man as Priest in His Home by Samuel E. Waldron, and A Practical Theology of Family Worship by Jonathan Williams. I have found each one of these books to be convicting and motivating, and my hope is that you pick them up to read them after reading this paper. May they speak to you as they did to me.
If a young man (or even an older man) desires to become a real man (a Christian man) (Ebenezer, p. xi), he must be actively doing. “This doesn't happen automatically,” Ebeneezer says. “You must be Proactive and take action” (p. xi). “We must pursue family shepherding...” (Baucham, p. 13. “We should not allow passivity, selfishness, or indecision to steal the privilege and blessing of mediating God’s grace. We need to take hold of our responsibilities...” (Waldron, p. 75). If we desire manhood then, we must work, pursue it, and be proactive in taking action towards that end. It is not something that happens overnight, and it isn’t something that will happen on its own.
Another thing we should be especially knowledgeable of is dangers to men. Christ also faced these dangers, which is why He is now able to sympathize with us (Hebrews 4:15). Let’s take a closer look at these dangers. “There are particular dangers of which young men need to be aware. These include sex, pornography, spending too much time playing video games (particularly some unhelpful games), wasting time, becoming addicted to screens and social media, laziness, immaturity, giving in to peer pressure, wanting and abusing power, bullying, anger, and violence” (Ebenezer, p. 14).
Ryle, writing nearly 200 years earlier, wrote such similar words as Ebenezer, you would think they wrote them together! Ryle, in his Thoughts for Young Men (one of the greatest books ever written) points out particular dangers to men. First, he points out pride and discusses how it manifests itself and how it affects the young man. The second danger he points out is the love of pleasure that (especially young) men struggle with. “Go and take your fill of earthly pleasures if you will, - you will never find your heart satisfied with them” (Ryle, upper room, p. 333). Next, Ryle discusses young men’s common thoughtlessness and inconsideration. He challenges the reader to think. Fourth, he talks about the danger of contempt of religion. Very often do we see young men walk away from the faith. And finally, Ryle talks about the fear of man’s opinion that often rules a young man’s heart” (Ryle, upper room, pp. 329-340). Though this book may not be in our series on manhood, it’s one that I highly recommend. It is a life-changing read.
Understanding these dangers is only part of the problem. We also need to know how much of a good thing is good. Waldron said it well: “If a young man is so self-indulgent that he can’t control his money, time, emotions, and desires now, that’s probably a good sign he’s not yet qualified to serve as a priest in his family’s home” (Waldron, p. 31). Young men (and all men in general) need to recognize and not abuse the good things in their lives (i.e. money, time, and emotions) as well as overcoming the dangers and sins men typically fall into.
When we recognize the dangers in our lives, we ought to be humbled. It ought to bring us to our knees. Humility is a mark of maturity in manhood. We ought to turn to Christ our High Priest in humility if we desire to imitate His Priestly nature. Waldron says, “All men everywhere should believe in Christ and go to Him as their priest. Only the man who realizes his own desperate need of a priest – and trusts Christ to fulfill that need – can truly serve as a priest in his home” (Waldron, p. 32). This ought to humble us and help us walk in humility.
It will help us as we walk in humility towards our wives. Beeke points out, “Husband, remember this: when your wife gives you wise counsel, she is sharpening the blade of your soul to a razor’s edge so that you become a powerful weapon for the Lord. (Beeke, p. 34)” We ought to love our wives in humility.
It also will help us walk in humility in relation to our children.
Children growing up with the daily experience of seeing their parents humbled in worship, focusing on spiritual things, submitting to the authority of the Word, catechizing and otherwise instructing their children will not easily turn from Christ (Duncan and Johnson quoted in Williams, p. 103).
This humility will shape and grow our children in ways that we may not even understand.
As humble men, we also must repent of our sins. As active and not passive men, we are to fight and kill sin as we are convicted by the Holy Spirit. “As William Gurnall said, repentance is ‘to forsake sin... to leave it without any thought reserved of returning to it again’ (Ebenezer, p. 38).” “If you are looking at pornography,” Beeke says, “I plead with you to throw away the pictures in magazines or in digital files on the computer or on cable TV. If necessary, get rid of the technology that channels this garbage into your life. Christ tells us to be as radical in fighting against sin as a man who cuts off his own right hand to avoid temptation (Matthew 5:27-30)” (Beeke, p. 68).
We must fight against our sin and repent of it. Paralleling the great puritan, John Owen, Ebenezer says, “If we don’t kill sin, sin will kill us” (Ebenezer, p. 57). And though this is clearly not a topic that we Christians like to talk about, we must beat the habitual sin of masturbation. Out of all the books I’ve read on sin and practical Christian living, I’ve only read one book that actually discusses masturbation. This is Faith. Hope. Love., by Mark Jones. Not just for masturbation, but for any sin that may be a gray area because we don’t have a specific biblical text condemning it, Jones offers four points that I want to provide here. How can we determine if it’s sin or not? Ask these:
Am I given to it, or is it given to me? For Christians, the dominion of sin is broken. Sin no longer has mastery over us (Romans 6).
Does this create an invisible barrier between God and me (i.e. hinder my prayers; cf. 1 Peter 3:7)?
Can I give thanks to God after doing this? We are to give thanks in all circumstances (1 Thessalonians 5:18).
Does this cultivate love for God or my neighbor (1 Corinthians 14:1, 16:14)? (Faith. Hope. Love., p. 218)
I have found these questions extremely helpful when navigating gray areas. When something is in the negative of these four questions, we need to kill it and repent of it. And this isn’t something that we do just one time when we feel a spiritual high. “We don’t simply mow the lawn, pull the weeds, and trim the bushes once – we have to stay on top of it all the time. Likewise, we have to kill sin daily” (Ebenezer, p. 58). We need to kill sin, and we need to do so daily.
A topic somewhat related to repentance is prayer in general. To be a true man, prayer must be always on our lips. Jesus prayed a lot. As followers of Him, so ought we. Ebenezer directs the gaze of a young man to prayer in a very simple way,
We can ask Him to draw near to us, tell Him about our day, adore His majesty, explain to Him our temptations, and ask Him to forgive us all our sins. Viewing prayer like this will be so refreshing. It shouldn’t be just another duty – it should be the highlight of the day. As a Christian, I can spend time alone, as often as I want, with the God of heaven and earth (Ebenezer, p. 49)!
How beautiful! To close his book, Ebenezer leaves us with another beautiful passage stating, “Jesus Christ is in heaven, but as I pray to Him from my bedroom, school, university, church – from anywhere – He represents my cause, remembering exactly what it is like to be me. We must therefore go boldly to the throne of God and ask for grace in times of need (Heb. 4:16)” (Ebenezer, p. 106). “I am convinced,” Williams said, “that prayer is one of the most powerful and greatest blessings we could ever bring through the front doors of our homes. It is a habit worth cultivating, a spiritual discipline worth practicing, and an aspect of family worship worth enjoying (Williams, p. 107). Praise the Lord for His grace in allowing us to pray to Him!
Beeke calls out both men and women exhorting them to pray when he says, “Men, put down the book, set aside your tools, turn away from the screen, and pray. Women, turn off the stove, put down the phone, and pray” (Beeke, p. 26). As heads of the home, we shouldn’t only be praying alone. As Williams points out, “When a husband and wife pray together regularly, their hearts become unified and more and more inclined to also join together in praise and in the teaching of the Word of God” (Williams, p. 74).
But we should also be praying for and with our families. “A priest also intercedes particularly, or specifically. We may not have ever thought about this, but every priest in the Bible is for certain people. It’s one of the reasons the doctrine of particular redemption makes sense... He prays for the same people that he offers sacrifices for” (Waldron, p. 51). This is very important for the spiritual health of our children, but also for ours as their spiritual leaders.
If we are to be true men, we must also read, study, and be knowledgeable in the Scriptures. It is crucial that Godly men love to read. It’s so important, four out of the five books that we are here synthesizing have something to say about it. Ebenezer said, “Having been in education for the last twenty-five years or so, I realize that most boys are not naturally inclined to read – but it is vital that young Christian men read” (Ebenezer p. 44). If we are to know anything, we must read.
Ebenezer also gives us a helpful metaphor to understand our need for Scripture and how to read it. He said, “It may be helpful to think of your Bible as your hand. It has four fingers: Read, Study, Listen, and Memorize. It also has a thumb, the most important, which is Meditate” (Ebenezer, p. 46). And Beeke challenges us to not get comfortable with our current level of understanding. “Do not think that now that you’ve read this book, you can stop learning. You are in the journey of a lifetime” (Beeke, p. 87).
Baucham, on the other hand, points out that if we don’t read, we cannot lead. “So as we go forward, let's remember that theology matters. You don’t get right orthopraxy [ethical, practical theology] from bad orthodoxy. A true family shepherd must be a man of the Word – a man of theology and doctrine. The man who desires to lead the family he loves must also be a true lover of the Lord’s Word” (Baucham, p. 121).
If then, we are to have a good theology, we must read a lot. We must read the Bible, we must also read solid, biblical literature. Quoting Ptacek, Williams writes, “The husband’s role in the sanctification of his wife must involve the use of the Bible” (Williams, p. 49). If we are to lead our wives and children in sanctification and godly living, we must know the Word.
But as R. A. Young pointed out in her recent Petra Publications article, On Christian Living, we must depend upon God in our ability to read. She stated,
I close with a thought from R. M. McCheyne. “You must be content then to lean all your weight upon Christ. ... The leaning soul cries for continued grace.” This is a necessary reminder that none of these aspects of Christian living can be accomplished on our own. We are weak and broken. We may pray for the willpower to read the Bible consistently in the first place, let alone for the reverence and mindset to do it well! But it is comforting to know that none of this depends upon us – only upon our dependence upon God.
Another way in which we must follow Christ and God’s design is to lead. Godly men must lead. This topic is so important that it appears in all five books we’re synthesizing. In order for our families to be happy, we need to be strong spiritual leaders. “Ultimately, a cohesive and supportive family requires that a father be a strong, spiritual leader (Waldron, p. 43).”
In order to lead, we must also not be selfish or indecisive. “You need to be brave, selfless, and decisive” (Ebenezer, p. 97). We must be able to make decisions quickly and accurately based on the Word of God. We also need to put our families before ourselves.
My dad always made sure that my mom, my sisters, and I were okay before he looked after himself. He protected and provided for us. Having ‘stuff’ wasn’t important to him, but family friends, and a house full of laughter were... These were qualities I thought were ‘manly,’ and when I grew older, I wanted to be just like these men (Ebenezer, p. 98).
Beeke points out that Godly (and manly) leadership also takes place without grumbling or complaining. “Whining, complaining, and otherwise ventilating your negativity are all forms of murmuring, which is condemned in Scripture as serious sin. A sense of humor, smiles, warmth, and optimism are important ways to encourage each other as best friends... Grumbling is a grave sin against God” (Beeke, p. 29, 82). We must have the joy of Christ in our leadership for others to follow us joyfully.
Baucham offers this exhortation to men. “... God has called fathers to walk patiently, purposefully, and prayerfully as we lead our families toward all that is ours in Christ” (Baucham, p. 14). Again, if we are expecting others to follow our leadership, we must lead them toward The Leader, Christ. We must teach them the Words of the Lord. “Therefore, Baxter encouraged the heads of households to teach the plain Scriptures and most necessary doctrines that one may find in catechisms” (Williams, p. 40).
If we lead our family well, we will have a small taste of heaven here on earth. “A holy, well-governed family tends not only to the safety of the members but also to the ease and pleasure of their lives... what a sweet and happy life is this! It is the closest thing to heaven on earth” (Williams, p. 104). May the Lord give us this in our lives and families.
Finally, we as men are to have children. We are to “be fruitful and multiply” (Genesis 1:28). We need to raise them in accordance with the Scriptures, and we also need to lead them in worship and worship with them. To be strong spiritual leaders for them, we must set an example for them.
First, of course, we need to have children.
... we must push back against our culture’s obsession with ‘family planning.’ To agree upon marriage for our own selfish ends where my spouse and I will only have two or three children, and for all the rest of my wife’s child-bearing years we will simply use some means of birth control, is a far cry from fulfilling the biblical mandate to be fruitful and multiply. Such an attitude smacks of arrogance, lack of faith, and an unwillingness to submit to the will of God who opens the womb (Psalm 113:9) (Beeke, p. 57).
Now, of course, we aren’t talking here about people who are unable to have children. This would be a topic for another time. We are only discussing people who are able to have children and are choosing to not have any (or selfishly limit how many they have). There are, however certain situations where it is wise to restrain from having more kids. Beeke continues,
A husband must also recognize how much his wife is able to cope with. Some women can handle having eight or nine children well, but for others that would simply be overwhelming (Beeke, p. 57).
As husbands and godly men, we must recognize what a proper amount of children would be for ourselves and our wives. Later he also states, “But is the possibility of producing offspring the only reason married couples should enjoy sex? No, sexual intimacy should continue after your bodies can no longer produce children” (p. 58). We are to enjoy sex, but not to the point of removing offspring from the picture.
Beeke later points out that though we are to have children, we must balance this carefully to make sure that we don’t idolize the idea of having children. He says, “Only God can give us happiness. Beauty, pleasure, and children are also gifts from God: Receive them with thanksgiving, but do not pursue them as if true happiness is found in them” (Beeke, p. 80). True happiness is found in Christ. “The purest joy in the world is joy in Christ Jesus” (McCheyne, A Believer’s Joy, p. 76).
Baucham also chimes in on this idea of being fruitful and multiplying by saying, “The dominant idea here is that our fruitfulness is a blessing and not a burden” (Baucham, p. 84). This is a fantastic point and one that is stated all throughout Scripture and has been believed throughout Church history (even when it was very difficult to raise children).
After having children, it is also vital that we raise them in accordance with the Scriptures, training them to follow what God commands, love and serve Christ, and walk in His ways. We ought to catechize our children. “And while no catechism, creed, or confession is infallible or rises to the level of Scripture, it’s important to have tools to define and teach the doctrines we derive from the Bible” (Baucham, p. 63). We need to raise them up with the mindset of Cotton Mather. “Mather’s approach was centered on the gospel. He saw children as made in the image of God, yet fallen, and he viewed parenting as a spiritual exercise” (Baucham, p. 124).
As we raise our children, our aim should be to give our children more spirituality than we had. “I’ve often said that our idea of successful parenting can be summed up as follows: We desire to give our children more than our parents gave us, and then to see that they’re sufficiently educated so they can give their own children even more. There’s little desire for, or cognizance of, spiritual legacy” (Baucham, p. 75). We also need to be humble in all of this.
Our goals should also be to raise them up in the fruit of the Spirit. “These include justice, kindness, generosity, prudence, contentment, humility, faithfulness, and purity. Likewise, there are a number of Proverbs that call parents to teach their children to avoid other attributes. These negative teachings find parents warning their children of seeking pleasure, gluttony, arrogance, and vanity” (Williams, p. 48).
While doing this, we also need to keep in mind that our children are sinful people. “My goal is not to raise children who conform to my hopes, wishes, dreams, or standards; my goal is to raise children who walk in the “discipline and instruction of the Lord” (Eph. 6:4). Hence, my reproof must always be geared toward leading them Christward” (Baucham, p. 138).
We also need to be preparing our children for what they will face in the future. Things like trying times, having their own children, and marriage. “One of our primary goals is to prepare our children for marriage” (Baucham, p. 97). We need to focus not on what we as fathers want, but on what God the Father wants.
We need to be gentle and loving to our children. We must love them unconditionally. “It’s one thing for children to see their dad go to church, it’s quite another to see him come into their rooms, lie down on their bed, and talk to them about eternal things” (Waldron, p. 67).
The last (but certainly not least) is that as men, we must lead our families in family worship. One of our biggest responsibilities as men is to lead our family spiritually and we do so in family worship. This doesn’t have to be exactly like a church service, but it definitely should draw inspiration from the church service. “Family worship isn’t a full-on church service every day; instead, it’s a brief time of devotion before the Lord. The elements are singing, Scripture reading, and prayer. That’s it! You sing together, pray together, and read the Scriptures together” (Baucham, p. 19). Williams quotes Beeke saying, “Daily family worship ought to be the foundation of your fatherly exercising of your prophetical office toward your children” (Williams, p. 52).
Not only is it a time to lead, but it is to give thanks to the Lord for all His blessings to your family. “Baxter clearly saw the opportunity for family worship as a gift of grace that is to be stewarded; used to produce fruit, given back to the Lord; and used to serve one another” (Williams, p. 31). We are to give thanks to God with our families.
This is, of course, only scratching the surface of what manhood is, and the books here synthesized contain a lot more information and paints a better picture of what true godly manhood looks like. I highly recommend all five books, and I hope you’ll read them as we go through each review. I’ll leave you with the words that Waldron closed his book with “We have to live with Christ. We’ve got to wake up with him. We’ve got to walk with him. We’ve got to end the day with him. We have to be with him always. We have to read his Word and speak to him. As we do, the glory of what Christ is as a priest will begin to enlighten us as well. May God grant it to be so for each one of us” (Waldron, p. 115). Amen
Works Cited
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Beeke, Joel R. Friends and Lovers : Cultivating Companionship and Intimacy in Marriage. Cruciform Press, 2012.
Ebenezer, Alun, and Gavin Peacock. Call to Action : Become the Man God Designed You to Be. Reformation Heritage Books, 2024.
Goldberg, Michelle. "Boys and Men Are in Crisis Because Society Is." The New York Times, 3 Oct. 2022, www.nytimes.com/2022/10/03/opinion/boys-men-crisis.html.
Jones, Mark. Faith, Hope, Love : the Christ-centered Way to Grow in Grace. Crossway, 2017.
Machen, J. Gresham, and Kevin DeYoung. Christianity and Liberalism. 100th ed., Westminster Seminary Press, 2023.
McCheyne, R. M. The Believer's Joy. CHRISTIAN HERITAGE, 2018.
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Ryle, J. C. The Upper Room : Being a Few Truths for the Times. Banner of Truth Trust, 2022.
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Williams, Jonathan. A Practical Theology of Family Worship : Richard Baxter's Timeless Encouragement for Today's Home. Reformation Heritage Books, 2021.
Young, R. A. "Christian Living." Petra Publications, Sept.-Oct. 2024, petrapublications.org/journal/christian-living. Accessed 11 Oct. 2024.